In That Number

I've been going through so much stuff since like my 15th birthday until I turned twenty. I’m not a bad person, but it was like stuff just kept happening. But let me take a step back and introduce myself. I grew up in the Desire, in the Ninth Ward. Over time my dad had 16 kids but when I was small it was like five of us. I’m the third oldest, like the middle oldest. At first, I went to high school over in Slidell, but when I got there a teacher told me, “You the new thug in town.” I don’t know why he thought I was a thug? Just because I was in 9th or 10th grade and had a tattoo? Eventually, I ended up coming back to school out here in New Orleans and went to Landry-Walker where I was playing football and basketball and all that stuff. I didn’t stay there, though, and later I was at an accelerated school and I was in 12th grade when it all happened.

One day, I’d say around eight o’clock that night, I had the worst day ever. I was supposed to go to school the next day but instead, the police and a SWAT team came to my house. When I got in my car they were already there. It scared me. They hopped in my car and spooked me out! Then the police is coming like two, three of them fast. They got me out the car, grabbed me and threw me on the ground. Put a knee in my neck. Then they searching my car. Eventually, they ended up arresting me on armed robbery charges. And you know what was the hardest part about it, I was innocent.

When I was sent to jail my father was in court. When the judge told me I was gonna remain in here, it was like the most heartbreaking scene ever. It was heartbreaking because all I had to do was just look back at my dad shaking his head, you know, and walked out of court and my girlfriend just started crying. It was hurting me.

It was my first time going to jail and they had me around adults, you know. I had just made 18 like two months previous and I thought, “Man, I’m in high school around grown convict men in Orleans Parish Jail.” I was there from July to October and I finally got home because the judge gave me a bond release, and from recognition from the city - teachers - that I’m a good football player, I got good grades, stuff like that. So, I went home, out on bail, then went to court like a year later. I did 11 months, 14 months total. I was 18 the first time, then 19 the second time, and made 20 when I was in jail.

Staying yourself is the best thing you can do in jail because it’s the way you get out of there. It’s the way you avoid problems and trouble. Don’t be full of yourself. Your main goal is to get home and not get stuck on that frame of mind. Know you’re in there, but know you’re not going to be in there forever. Keeping knowing that, you will get home.

Man, when I was in jail, I could have bought a whole house with all the money I spent, and it was my dad who spent it. He knew I was innocent. I was paying so much money going toward this, and then like a year later, I got reprimanded. And two months later while I'm in jail the second time my dad died from meningitis. My birthday March 27. He died March 29th. I just seen him in court March 16. That was the last time I seen him. I wanted to come home and they wouldn’t let me come home. And I couldn’t see my dad alive. And that’s what hurts me. It’s like, man, he really died and told what he wanted me to do. And that’s what makes me so motivated to strive to do my best today, you know.

So back to my case, I’m going to court and they’re offering me time but I won’t take it, and they keep pushing back my trial. I’m supposed to have been going to trial in April. They tried to push it back again - you aren’t supposed to do that. You can only set the trial back three times. But they kept setting it back. From April all the way to October. My trial was October 23rd; it only took three days.

At the end of the day, both victims didn’t identify me as the robber. I remember hearing, “for sure, it’s not him. He’s too small.” I think that’s what set me free. I went to trial and stood up in the people’s face. I was really in trial, in the judge office, they talking to me telling me that I’ll be in there for a long time. There weren’t trying to do nothing but scare me, but I’m just smiling like “man, you up in here, and I’m smiling.” The jury came out in ten minutes with one of the court deputies with the deliberation. It was fast. I got so scared, like, “What that mean?” I’m thinking, I’ve seen deliberations before that be about two days or something, you know what I’m saying? And it was really like ten-fifteen minutes.

I went through pain, you know. But it’s about being strong and being on top, because, guess what? I’m one of them that beat that system. Most people are scared. Most Black males don’t go to trial. And that’s fact. We have to have more trust and fight for ourselves. Stand for yourself, and not even just yourself - for what you believe in. You’re standing for your future. Stand for your inner self and don’t be nobody else. Everyone deserves a chance. But not everyone is bad. We have to understand people's situation. What's their background? What have they' been through? What are they prescribed with? Are they mentally messed up? Can we get them help? I feel like you should put yourself in other people’s predicaments and see how you would react before you accuse. Someone could have a bad background. How would you feel if you were abandoned? How would you feel if someone picked on you? Put yourself in that predicament.

People get profiled badly, you know. There aren’t many chances. I feel like we should have more situations where people can be better: more jobs, more/better housing. We make all this money through our Jazz Fest and in the traffic tickets you getting paid in taxes. Let's put out better programs and help the young adults and adults, to make them want to do better. Better jobs, better trades. A lot of people look at me and think I'm a bad person. People look at my tattoos, look at my dreads, and think I'm a bad person but they don't know who I am inside. And that’s the sad part. A lot of people look at me different. My own family turned and looked at me different.

All I came home to was a box of clothes. A box of clothes. And a coat that I didn’t even know I had from my father. So many people gave up on me in a short amount of time. It was heartbreaking because coming home and looking at them...I forgive them. I forgive everyone. Because you have to forgive. Everybody deserves that.

But the best part about things, after the trial, and after I lost everything and all this bad stuff happened to me, look at me now. When all that jail stuff happened, some schools didn’t want me going to their schools. But now I came home and graduated. I joined The Welcoming Project, too. At first, I remember they came to Travis Hill but I didn't want to go to school because, man, it’s jail. I don't want to go to school in jail. I wanted to go home and go to school, you know? But I started going to school, gaining knowledge, and I met them through that. It’s had an amazing impact because it made me think about life different and they make me want to do different and better even though those things happened. I can't let it hold me down; I gotta be the best and strive. So I am. Over the summer I was working for the Southern Poverty Law Center and I even started college. In July I went to DC for the ACLU’s Advanced Advocacy program. I feel like I’m back and I’m better. I’m striving for greatness. I’m destined. I know I’m destined. That’s the good thing about it. I’m loving life right now.